The Story Behind Zombie Pigmen (and why they’re nice)

(before reading this, this was made just for fun, and there could be an official version of this story that differs from this one.)

Once upon a time (don’t worry, dudes, this isn’t a fairy tale),

In the days of old,

There lived tribe called the Pigmen,

Who loved stealing gold.

They attacked anyone they saw,

And killed them all,

Their golden swords’ bling left people in awe.

One day,

The people had a enough,

So they summoned the Wither,

And he was quite rough.

A curse on the tribe is what he lay,

And then the Wither went on to say,

“From your deeds you must go,

to the heat of the great dungeon that lay far below.”

There they went accepting their debt,

Of a thousand eternities where it’s impossible to get wet.

There they learned to only defend,

And when a friend is in need,

A hand you shall lend.

So, yeah, just, don’t mess with the Pigmen.


The End.

The Phantom Ship part one

Please read “The Tale of the Haunted Caverns” before reading the following story.


“Hey guys,” said eleven year old Kasen, “come check this out.”

“You’re reading a newspaper?” asked ten year old Kathrine.

“No, this is a picnic blanket,” replied Kasen.

“What did I say about the sarcasm?” asked twelve year old Andrew.

“Hey, we’re not being chased by an undead miner, so I thought that rule didn’t apply anymore,” Kasen said back.  “Just look at this.”

Steve Johnson sighted an almost transparent wooden ship named the ‘H.M.S. Incognito’.  This ‘ghost ship’ was discovered just off the coast of The Wedge in Newport.  ‘It was like a dream.  No.  A nightmare,’  says the yacht owner’s wife, Sarah Johnson.”

“That sounds really creepy,” said six year old Emma.

“Whoa, look at that,” said Andrew, pointing at the next paragraph.

“Mrs. Johnson said that she had found barnacles in the bathroom when she had just mopped the floors of the boat.  Mr. Johnson also noted that the helm turned the boat magically towards the ‘ghost ship’ and upon impact, the ‘H.M.S. Incognito’ dispersed, as if it were made of air.”

“Hey, it says here that the family saw a British flag on the stern representing the Royal Navy,” Kasen noticed.

“You know what,” Andrew commented, “I think I saw a new Naval History Museum listing every Navy ship ever registered.”

“I saw that too,” replied Katherine. “It’s about a five minute walk from here.”

“It’ll be shorter by bike,” Emma added.

“True,” replied Kasen. “Very true.”

The next day, the foursome went down to the museum and found different-and also very rare-artifacts.  They explored things like word maps, Spanish swords, and old European coins.  After looking around a bit, they found the section where ship registrations were.  The kids looked through U.S. registrations and found ships like the Battleship Texas and the U.S.S. Iowa.  Then, they found the British registrations and noticed the H.M.S. Bulldog, the ship responsible for cracking the Nazi’s code called ‘Enigma’, and the H.M.S. Dreadnought which has a guitar named after it.

“These ships are too late in history,” Kasen complained.

“Let’s just look around a bit,” Katherine said. “We’ll find it.”

Finally, they came upon a list of registered Royal Navy ships that was from the Fifteenth through sixteenth century and it was in very good condition.  They did not find the Incognito!

“Where is it?!” Kasen asked himself frustratedly.

“Kasen, have you ever heard the story of Black Beard?” Andrew asked.

“Yeah, what about it?” Kasen replied.

“Remember how when he would attack ships, he would raise a British flag?”



“OH! I get it! The Incognito is a pirate ship!”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Okay, so we know that, now what?”


“Hey, you know how to sail, right?” asked Katherine.

“Yes,” Kasen replied, “you don’t mean-”

“Yep, that’s exactly what I mean.”

“Aw crud.”


“You know I wouldn’t be allowed to take any of the boats, right?”

“Then we’ll-”


“Common, we can do this!”

“So, you want to steal a boat?”

“Look, no one  knows what this boat is capable of.”

“All the more reason not to go”

“Are you sayin’ you’re a chicken?”

“No, I’m saying I don’t want to die tomorrow!”



“Pikock! Pikock! Pikock!”

“Ugh.  Fine!”




“So, tomorrow?”


“Let’s do this.”

The next night, the group went down to Newport to swipe a boat from the harbor.  When they walked down, someone saw them down there.  Conveniently, there was a boat already rigged and ready to sail.

“That one!  Over there!” Andrew yelled.

“Common!  Let’s go!” Kasen said back.

The foursome hopped into the boat and went off.  As the man on the harbor  watched, the boat got smaller and smaller.  Then, the kids noticed he jumped into the water in pursuit after them!

“Whoa, guys look.  He jumped in!” Emma said in astonishment.

“What a nut,” Andrew said back.

“I’d say he’s off his rocker!” Kasen added.

Soon enough, the man had turned back and the kids were on their way to the H.M.S. Incognito.

In about an hour, they were out of the harbor and a few dozen yards from the beach, where the boat had been sighted.  They saw no signs of the boat.  A moment later, Katherine found a peace of wood that said:

-.M.S. Incogn-

“Hey, look at that,” Katherine noticed.

“What is it?” Andrew asked.

“A peace of wood.”

“It’s got writing on it.”

“Ms. Incogn?”

“No!  It’s a peace of wood from the ship.  It probably used to say, ‘H.M.S. Incognito’.”

Just then, a fog began to stretch across the water and the bow of a huge ship came into view.  It had a broken piece of wood that said:

H                        ito

“Who’s Hito?” Katherine questioned.

“Oh, wow” Andrew sighed.

Kasen lined up the board with the broken piece on the ship and H.M.S. INCOGNITO became visible.  They floated around to the back and noticed the ship was built as a Royal Navy battleship.  After coming around to the stern, they saw a dark, shadowy figure in the window.  It then disappeared.

“What are you doing?!” Katherine whispered.

“I’m sketching the ship” Kasen answered.

Kasen put his sketching journal in a Zip-Lock bag and swung the boat close to the vessel.  At that moment, waves started coming out from underneath the ship.  SPLASH!  The boat capsized!  As he came out from underneath the sail, he noticed things were missing. 

“Is everyone okay?” Kasen asked. “Where is everyone?  Hey, where’s the harbor?”

As he turn around, his boat was gone!

“And the boat?  Ugh, just my luck.  The one boat that didn’t disappear is the creepy haunted one.”

Looking up, Kasen noticed a ladder hanging down from the deck.  While he did have a bad feeling about it, he knew it was the only way to save his friends’ lives.  And his own!


I SURVIVED! The Voyage on the Student Driver

Based off of a true story… wait, it is a true story.

1:00 P.M. Friday, January 27….

I sat down in the boat not suspecting anything of the trip.  As they raised the sails, I went down into the cabin to check things out.  The rest of the kids were going on about how they thought a storage compartment was a toilet.  John and Ian were doing their usual….. talking about why they didn’t get this Nerf gun or why they’re going to get that one.  I was just hanging out, sitting next to the beds which Kate and Sarah were inexplicably examining.  I then decided to go up to the deck.

Promptly, the boat pulled out from the dock.  The instructors on the boat were arguing about something, although through all the yelling -and some of my nervousness- I didn’t understand any of it.  Soon enough, the ‘Student Driver’ was on its way (the boat was named that because it drove students).  It wasn’t swaying that much until we were going really fast.  Tack, after tack, the boat felt like it was going over.  When I went to the cabin, it felt a lot better.  Somehow, seeing the water through the window facing upward was relaxing.

There was a girl sitting on the low side of the boat about fifteen years old who had a tear running down her face.  Due to my nervousness, I did not judge.  Every time the boat would lean, she clutched a pole running through the middle of the boat.  I can, however, judge for not switching sides.  Anyway, after about an hour of that madness, we were out of the harbor.  I did not approve of that at all.  Obviously, the instructor wouldn’t stop the entire trip because of one kid’s opinion.

As we went out, we saw sea lions basking on a buoy.  That was the least scary part of the trip.  A few more minutes that felt like hours later, we had turned around and were heading home.  Finally, we were back in the harbor.  I was sitting in the cabin talking to my friends when BAM!!!!!!!!!!!  Suddenly, we all felt a worrying and abrupt jerk that had immediately brought us to a stop.

Worriedly, I asked the instructors what happened.  We had run aground, but one of the instructors reassured me because he said it would take a tank shell (bullet) to break the keel.  The reason that was comforting is because the only way to capsize the boat was to break the keel.

Minutes later, Orange County Harbor Patrol showed up.  We were loaded onto the patrol boat while a whaler (a type of small motor boat) pulled our sail boat out of the mud under the water.  Meanwhile, one of the instructors was actually yelling at the officer for not marking the shallow water.

Everything from there was calm because they tied the whaler to the side of the boat to pull it back to the docks.  We did run the boat through a flock of seagulls on the way back though.

The End.


The Tale of the Haunted Caverns

WARNING: This story may give you nightmares.

There once was a group of four friends.  Kasen was eleven years old, Kathrine was ten, Andrew was twelve, and Emma was six.  One day, they went on a walk down by a small cliff about twenty feet high.  When they got to it, they noticed a faint hole in the cliff with signs of broken rails leading into it.

Little did they know, it was haunted by an undead miner named Ol’ Diggy.  Ironically, his given name was Diggy.  When he was a young boy, he learned how to whistle, and was fascinated with it ever since.  One day when he was mining, he was distracted by a group of kids trespassing.  He tried to chase them out, but he tripped and fell off of some scaffolding and died! BUM! BUM! BUUUUUUUMMMM!!!  Ever since, he has been longing for revenge on kids.

But anyway, back to the four friends.  As they entered the tunnel, they heard a loud thud.

“What was that?” Kasen whispered.

“I don’t know.  It could be an explosion,” replied Andrew.

“I think we should go back,” said Kathrine.

“Good idea,” Emma agreed.

When they turned around the cave had collapsed!  They felt a breeze rushing through the tunnels and knew that was the only way out.  As they were walking towards the other exit, they heard a whistle, and it wasn’t from the tunnels!

“Did you hear that?” asked Andrew.

“Yeah,” replied Emma.

“Maybe it has just the wind through the tunnels,” said Kathrine.

“Yeah, and it was the wind that blew up our way out, too,” said Kasen in sarcasm.

As they looked down through the dusty mine shaft, they came upon a dark, shadowy figure with red, glowing, fiery eyes, and a blinding beam coming from his hard hat.

At that instant, rocks came crashing down from the ceiling.  When the dust cleared up, he was gone.  All he had left behind was a letter that said:

I am coming for you.

~Ol’ Diggy~

“Well that’s not creepy at all,” Andrew commented.

“Yeah, it was,” Emma replied.

“He was being sarcastic.  Don’t you guys know what sarcasm is?” asked Kasen.

“No, I absolutely believe that the wind can blow up a tunnel.  OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT SARCASM IS!  You think I-”

Just then, Kathrine was cut off by the sound of rocks cracking.

“RUN!” yelled Emma.

As they ran, (because Emma said they should) they eventually came upon an open area that had been used as a sort of mining headquarters.  With mine shafts leading away in all directions, Andrew located where the wind was coming out and directed the group that way.

“Come guys, this way” said Andrew,  gesturing the rest of the kids that way.

“Come on, Emma,” said Kathrine, “Emma?”

“Ugh,” Kasen said in frustration.

“LOOK!” Kathrine yelled.

“What is it?” Andrew asked eagerly.

“Footprints,” she replied.

“They’re too big to be Emma’s,” Kasen noted.

“THEY’RE OL’ DIGGY’S FOOTPRINTS!” Kathrine gasped.

“Surprise, surprise, it’s Emma getting into all the messes,” Andrew said tiredly. “WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED!?”

As they walked, they noticed that the torches were still lit.

“That’s funny,” said Kathrine, “after all these years, the torches are still burning.”

“Hello, have you not been with us these past five minutes?” Kasen said, again, in sarcasm.

“Now’s not the time to be a wiseguy, wiseguy,” Andrew snapped.

“Fine, fine,” replied Kasen.”I’ll stop.”

“Thank you,” Andrew said back.


The three remaining kids all heard a grunt come from the tunnel.  Then, they heard someone say;

“Who the heck are you? Bruce Lee?”

Then, they heard a voice identical to Emma’s say;

“Uh….. My name’s Jeff.”

“Is Emma beating up Ol’ Diggy?” Kathrine asked in astonishment.

“Sounds like it,” Kasen replied.

“Is Emma really that strong?  Or is an undead miner dude that weak?” Andrew asked.

Once they entered the room that Emma was being held up in, they saw her run past them.  Just before they started running, they saw Ol’ Diggy lying on the floor, almost unconscious.

“Run!” Emma yelled, “We don’t have much time!”

Just before they entered the ‘mining headquarters’, they found Ol’ Diggy staring at them with those red, fiery, demon-like eyes.

“I see your friend Jeff is quite the kicker,” Diggy snared.

“Her name is Emma,” Kathrine corrected.

“Hey,” Emma snapped “I had an alias!”

“Sorry,” Kathrine replied.

“You are never leaving this cave again,” Ol’ Diggy interrupted.

“Think again!” Andrew snapped.

Just then, with his mind, Ol’ Diggy lifted rocks out of the ground, and hurled them straight at the foursome.

“DUCK!” Kasen yelled.

“Where?” Emma asked.


“Oh, AH!!!” Emma exclaimed as she hunkered down still looking for the duck.

Several rocks smashed against the wall behind them as they darted for the exit.  When they looked back, he was gone!  Then, when they turned back to escape the tunnels, there he was with a burning pickax.

“Okay, where did he get that?” Kasen asked himself.

“I still have my secrets,” Diggy replied.

“Uh…Does anyone else have any surprising and also very lethal weapons that they may be hiding?  Because now would be a good time to exploit them,” Kasen asked.

“Sarcasm,” Andrew reminded.

“I wasn’t joking,” Kasen replied.

“You guys think you’re all that because you’re young!  Kids are what caused me to be stuck down here for eternity!  Now, you will pay!” Ol’ Diggy snapped.

Right after that, he sunk into the ground and became one with the rocks. The kids ran for the exit.  When they got out, the ground rose up, and started floating after them.  Right then, Andrew noticed a small pond.

“Look!”  Andrew yelled.

“What?” asked Kathrine.

“The lake!  What do you bet it would sink the rocks?”  replied Andrew.

“It’s worth a shot!” Kasen yelled.

The four leaped into the lake and the flying rocks after them.  They were pushed to land by a massive wave from the sinking rocks.  Ol’ Diggy, who was once trapped inside of a mine, was now stuck submerged in the lake for all of eternity.  Or at least until the lake dries up…

“Well, sinking and breaking stuff is all rocks are good for, I guess,” said Emma.

“I’ll bet I can speak for all when I say I am NEVER going into a cave again,” Kathrine vowed.

The End